I didn’t know for how many hour I’ve been kneeling there but my knee felt really numb! I thought to myself that I better go back to the hospital or else I’ll make every one’s worried! I walked down the stairs. I don’t feel like running because my legs can’t take it. I’ll just end up tripping down. As I walk down the stairs, passing by the houses, shops, I thought to myself, hoping that Kami-sama could hear my pray. How I really want kami-sama to hear my one and only dearest pray to my one and only dearest chikage-san.
When I was just entering the entrance to the hospital, one of my father secretary ran towards me, calling me that everyone was worried. So, he pulled me and we went to the lift. He asked me where I was but I just kept quiet. He didn’t seem to be asking anymore question. All he said that I should tell someone before disappearing and it’s dangerous for me to be outside alone at night. When we’re out of the lift, the doctor from the operation came out and said that he was alive but his situation wasn’t that good.
The doctor let us see him. I saw Harumi-san hold something so tight on his hand. When we’re inside, I saw Chikage-san, his eyes were bandaged. I knelt beside him while Harumi-san stood beside him the other way. Harumi-san cried out of relieve. I wasn’t the first one to come to the room. “Aki-kun, your father said that you went somewhere when I was in the operation room. Where did you go?” I cried looking at Chikage-san’s situation.
I gripped his hand. “*Hic hic* I..I was praying all the time. When you were in the operation room, all I could think was pray. Hoping that kami-sama would give you another chance.” “Aki-kun...” “...and, Harumi-san prayed for you too....right, Harumi-san?” At first, Harumi-san looked like he could hold his tears back but at any moment he went burst into tears. He gripped Chikage-san’s hand. “I was so scared..*Hic hic* I never wanted to lose you. Never...Just like what Aki-kun said, all I could think was pray for you.” “*Touch Harumi-san’s face* Thank you, both of you and everyone too.”
I didn’t stop there. I continued my words. “Chikage-oji-san, in this world, we’re not alone. You’re not alone. You don’t have to do all those things alone. You have Harumi-san, me, all of us. You don’t have to take all the burdens alone. We’re family, right? I bet, Harumi-san would very be sad if you'd take all those things alone...ne?” That moment, I could see Chikage-san’s face was flowing with tears while his mouth was opened a bit. Even though his eyes were bandanged, I could still imagine his sad face, his relieve face. In the end, we were all relieved that Chikage-san was okay. And from that day on, Harumi-san will stay by his side always.
After 2 years pass, I understand what relationship they were in back then. Like asking myself why Harumi-san desperately cried for Chikage-san while everyone was just worried? Harumi-san would always wait for Chikage-san. And also, that night...I finally able to understand their situation. Even though no one knows....yet, I think I’ll support them. I understand what it means by happiness, someone important to you. To me, whats important is that everyone is happy. And I know that Chikage-san would want that too.
After that horrible memories or more like incident, Chikage-san was forced to retired from his job. Of course he woouldn’t accepted that easily. Harumi-san suggested that it’s time that he should retired and just relax. Even though he’s not that old but I bet, Harumi-san just don’t want to repeat the same mistake to what had already happenned to Chikage-san again. I support Harumi-san. Even I don’t want Chikage-san to make the same incident again. It was terrifying because he was in front of me at that time.
I didn’t know what to do. Blaming myself as if it was my fault. Though I still thought it was my fault. I tried to cherish him like how Harumi-san cherish him too but I think I won’t surpass Harumi-san.
My father, me and also Harumi-san insisted that Chikage-san should be better off retired. He even said “Am I really that unworthy to protect this family *Sad*” But what surprised me the most was that we three shouted at him at the same time. “It’s for the best of you!!” He laughed after that but Harumi-san said that its not a laughing matter. He knew that the three of us were serious. After that, we all calmed down.
“If you want me to retired, I have one condition.” We all looked at him, what will he be thinking about this time. “I want...someone to take my place. Someone whose strong, worthy and trustable.” My father said that he’d hire someone with all those characteristic, but Chikage-san shook his head. My father looked confused. “No, I don’t want anyone else. I've already chosen him.
I was so curious who this guy could be since he rejected father’s proposal. “Then, who will it be?” My heart went beating so fast! “It’s...Aki-kun. *Smiles*” Everyone, I mean, father and Harumi-san looked at me, then looked at Chikage-san back. “You want my child to take your place?! But he’s not strong enough!” Dad was obviously shocked to Chikage-san’s decision.
“I may retired from this job but I didn’t say that I’d retired from training. So, I’ll trained him as soon as possible.” Father was speechless and so were harumi-san. But since its for Chikage-san’s sake, they and I approved. And the next day, it was my first training. I didn’t even know ‘as soon as possible’ was this soon! And So, I learn so many defending skill. He hardly tought me any fighting technique. He did but, only basics one.
For the past few months, when there were fightings, my dad’s secretaries would take Chikage-san’s place. I was never been called up to fight them. I can only come when there were people taken as hostage because I can only defend them. And also, they didn’t want me to end up like Chikage-san. Sometimes, all the secretaries were badly injured but sometimes weren’t. That’s all due to the situation they were in. It depends what fight situation, like fighting with knives, fists or sometimes gun, but that’s hardly ever happen.
1 year past, and I went to middle school. For the past few months, feelings were mixed up. And thats where I got myself a lover. I loved him very much with all my heart. Soon, I forgot what situation I was in. I’d forgot that I was from a yakuza family and for a second there, I felt like I was from a different family, like a normal one. I was happy how it was going but that happiness didn’t stay very long when I bumped into some other yakuza’s family.
The only thing I remembered back then was yuya’s face was terrified when the yakuza’s guys were holding knife. He was shivering, knees shaking. And thats where all of it was just a fake. I could never come from a normal family. I could never have happiness. All I could feel was just hurting people. Even though I said that I was good at defending, but at that moment, I didn’t know how to control my panic situation.
I didn’t know what I should be afraid of the most, fighting with a yakuza’s guys with knife without any experience, or loosing the one you loved the most that filled with happiness. It didn’t take very long. The yakuza’s guys hold me up and kept on kicking me on the stomach. They hold me down tightly, pulled my hair and when I looked up, I was afraid, really afraid. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but my tears started to flow to my cheek.
I saw my lover, yuya was beaten up very badly. He was kicked hard down to the ground. All I could see that yuya was covered with blood all over and bruises too. I got mad and out of control. I almost killed all of the guys and when I was conscious, I was lying on the bed of my room. My body hurt. I was covered with bandaged. I didn’t remember anything till a moment strikes me. I stood up, walking gobbled as if I was drunk. I went out of my room, to the hall and thats when I saw Chikage-san, Harumi-san and also father.
At first, they were shocked that I moved all of the sudden with all the bandaged. So, they hold me and told me to calm down first. After that, they all looked very sad at me. I didn’t understand why they put up such a face. Then, they looked at each other. “Aki-kun, I think...its better for you to transfer school...again.” I was shocked that I got mad. “Why?! Urrghh *Headache*” They hold onto me but I slapped them. “You know right? Rumors can spread quite fast these days and they didn’t want you to go to that school anymore...”
I knew it. Why is it? All I want was just a fucking normal life!! I never wanted to be born into this yakuza family!! It’d driving me nuts!! Its making me going mad!!
But then, I knew, even Chikage-san, Harumi-san too, didn’t want to get involved in this Yakuza matter. To be living in a normal life, is what I think a very impossible for me.
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